Why we should lose our inhibitions, and why I cannot be a better person...

I ask myself often, am I someone who looks at my past, and blames it for not having a future? Am I someone who wants to live a life of regret saying, I should have done this, or I should have done that or I could have...and for a long time, I had my doubts on where I stand. However, I recently decided that I am not that person, for more often than not, I have pushed myself out of my comfort zone to feel what life has to offer.

Comfort zone, a word I have used and misused often. Manier times, I use that phrase as an excuse to escape doing something which I believe is not a part of me, and claim that I will not enjoy doing it. But I have surprised myself each time I have left my comfort zone, to embrace the reality, that there are things I enjoy, and there are those I do not, but I will know it only if I try it. I end up making a fool of myself a lot of times, and then there are times, I have seen myself become a one with the entity, which I thought were outside my comfort zone, and the comfort zone shifts.

The result is that I am much more closer to myself than I ever was. And I am pushing the envelope further with the desire to get to know myself better. There are characteristics about me I am not fond of, but I accept them as a part of me. Then there are attributes about me which I like, and I accept them as a part of me with the same intensity I accept things that I do not like about me. But, every attribute of me that I know so far, was discovered when I pushed the envelope. We, as humans, experience our limited world with what we see from our eyes, what we hear with our ears, what we feel on our skin, and tongue and nose. However, the mind, along with our emotions such as happiness, sadness, pleasure, jealousy, lust, and more, makes experiencing this world a much more human experience that does not have any limits. None of these emotions are good or bad by themselves. The feeling of contentment we get from helping someone out without expecting any thing back in return from them is as much of a feeling as the pleasure derived from swimming naked in water and letting the water caress our bodies. I have not run away from either of the feelings, but to discover that they both are a part of me needed me to lose my inhibitions, and push myself outside my comfort zone and give myself to it completely.

Yanno, I used to be the guy who would constantly try being a better person. Having failed miserably, I have realized that I cannot be a better or a worse person, since I am who I am. However, if I can know myself better, I can handle my emotions, my reactions, my relationships, my friendships, my social interactions, and finally myself better. May be that is what being a better person is, we shall know that in the fullness of time... :-)